Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Hello, and welcome back to self healing after trauma. We are your hosts. I am Dr. Asher Beckwit. And we have Kimberly ward with us today as well. Hello. Today, as promised, we are going to be talking about doomsday thinking or negative thinking, and what are some tips and ways in which we can restructure that thinking and overcome that thinking in our day to day lives. So, Kimberly has been so kind to offer to share some things that she has been going through recently.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
As we all know, you've been out for a few weeks, and we're so happy to have you back here, and I will turn it over to you to share what you feel comfortable with.
Kimberly Ward:
Yeah, well, I'm happy to share a very recent experience of some doomsday thinking and share how I managed to come through the other side of that experience, actually feeling better than before. It was Halloween when I noticed that something looked funny in my vision, and it scared the hell out of me, because just last year, I had my retina detach in my right eye. And I had gone a long time without knowing that it was torn. And so the longer you go without getting it repaired, the more likely that you have some vision loss. And I had gone over six weeks. So I did get it repaired, and it was a very traumatizing surgery and recovery. But I did recover some of my vision, but I'm left with distorted vision and a blind spot. But luckily, my left eye sees really well.
Kimberly Ward:
So my brain was able to make sense of what I was seeing, even though I had some distortion in my right eye. So then this year, on Halloween, when I recognized, I knew what I was seeing this time, because I was very well experienced in it, I was able to get to the eye doctor and have surgery the next day. And I had, at one point, pretty overwhelming doomsday thinking around having more vision loss in my good eye because one eye having distortion but the other being good, I function the same way that I have functioned in the past. However, if I had distortion in both eyes, would mean a very different reality for me. So, as I was recovering, which is two weeks of face down, you can't get up more than a few minutes a day and be upright. You have to keep your face down parallel to the ground for a couple of weeks. But a lot of time for reflection and introspection. And I had to get a grip on myself at points, because the fear of losing my ability to see changes.
Kimberly Ward:
I mean, it would change my whole world, what I do for a living. I need to be on the computer a lot and I love what I do. I love my life. And so it was really scary for me. So what happened to me, Asher, was that as I was noticing, I'm really good at being able to notice and name what's happening, right? Because that's what I teach, that's what I do for a living, is help people to be able to regulate their nervous system. And one of the tools we use is notice what's happening in my body. I notice the thought. I notice the emotion.
Kimberly Ward:
I notice the sensation. So, I'm pretty good at objectively observing that. And so I was objectively observing the fear. And I was observing, like I said, what's the sensation? What are the emotions? What are the thoughts? And I realized this doomsday thinking around losing my eye, and what does that mean? And then trying to find solutions, because your body and your brain are always trying to find a solution, figuring out, what am I going to do if I'm blind? And then I was also trying to make meaning of it. Like, is God trying to tell me something? Is he telling me to quit my business? Is he telling me to get a divorce? Is he telling me to move? Like, what does this really mean? And I was, like, looping in these fearful thoughts, and I had all this anxiety and couldn't sleep and all these physical and emotional reactions to this fear, doomsday thinking. But because I was able to observe it, I was able to stay curious about it. And as I got curious about it, I kind of took it one thought at a time. So just really slowing down and just picking one thing to focus on, I picked, okay, what if I go blind? What if I go blind and your mind goes to the worst case scenario? So I would have to quit my job.
Kimberly Ward:
I'd have to give up my business, what I love, and I couldn't homestead and be with my chickens and my animals and my gardening and all of these things, and just slowed it down. And what I did was I allowed myself to ride the wave of that fear. Because it's a in your system, right? It's like this if I go blind. So I just kind of slowed down and let that rise to the surface and discharge that. So I had some tears and some crying, and instead of stuffing down that fear, the thought and the fear that accompanied that thought, I let it come up, and I let myself experience it and let that sensation ride through me. And once I did that, then I had the capacity to reframe. So I thought, okay, here's the thought and the fear of going blind. And here's what my life would look like if I went blind.
Kimberly Ward:
And all of the fears and the sensations, and I kind of rode that wave. Then I had this space to say, okay, I can now reframe this. Instead of, oh, this is a sign from God that I need to move and quit my job. I was able to calmly, in a more regulated state, say, okay, I could take that as a sign from God that I should move or divorce my husband or whatever the crazy thinking was. Instead, I decided to take it as something totally different. So what I did was I came up with other possibilities. Maybe it means I just need to slow down. Maybe it means I need to see the world differently.
Kimberly Ward:
Maybe it means I need to take my business in a different direction. Maybe not quit, but maybe go in a different direction. So I allowed myself to be curious about what other possibilities can I think of? So from that place, then, okay, I have four or five different possible scenarios. Thinking about it from that regulated place, after allowing myself to freak out, like, I gave myself the wave, I let myself ride the wave of that fear. Then I was able to think of different perspectives, and then I got to choose which perspective I wanted. So then I came to the conclusion that I am going to choose the meaning from a regulated place where my cognitive brain can come into play. I can keep my heart open so I can access my essential self and my higher self goals. And I was able to choose a different perspective instead of being freaked out and in the doomsday thinking.
Kimberly Ward:
And I recognize that takes some skill, right? It does. It takes some skill, but luckily, I've been practicing these skills for many years. But it didn't protect knowing the skills and practicing those skills didn't keep bad things from happening or scary things from happening, but it did give me the capacity to really change my perspective, which then changes your reality. Right. You can't always change what happens to you, and you can't change the sensations and reaction in your nervous system, because we're designed to react when things happen, when bad things happen. But what you can do is slow down and choose how you perceive what's happening to you.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Can you tell me a little bit more? Because that's an incredible story, and we're very thankful that you shared that with us. And I can't even imagine going through that. That must have been really scary. I know that you slowed down, but could you talk us through that process of kind of like, what happened when you slowed down? How did you get yourself to slow down and then to be able to really embody that fear, to be able to let it process through.
Kimberly Ward:
Well, I suppose I was lucky in the sense that I had to stay face down on my. I was out. I had a massage table, luckily. So I was face down on my massage table for two weeks. So I kind of feel like my higher self gave me the opportunity. And this is the story I choose to perceive, right, that my essential self, my higher self, the wisdom, internal wisdom, that I have created a scenario for me in which I had to slow down. I don't recommend waiting that long till something really challenging happens. We can do this now.
Kimberly Ward:
Do this before you're in a challenging situation. But because I was forced to, my nervous system did not like it. I like being busy. I'm super busy. I got a lot of things going on. It's who I am. It's what I do. I love my life.
Kimberly Ward:
I do all these things not out of stress, but because I love it. And so being forced to slow down sucked. It totally sucked. But again, I had to shift my perspective. And so because I use these tools, when I wasn't stressed or overwhelmed, I was actually able to access this capacity when I was pretty overwhelmed. So that, I think, is the main thing I would love to stress, is that we have to learn how to be quiet, slow down, and listen internally when we're not stressed, so that when we do have something challenging, we have access to that skill. It's a skill you have to practice to get good at it. So, I was in a situation where I was forced to, and I had to work hard to calm my nervous system and regulate it.
Kimberly Ward:
But I couldn't do that, Asher, until I let myself ride the wave of the fear. I had to let myself go there in my brain. What would it be like if I was blind? I had to really move that charge. I had to cry. I had to feel scared. I had to feel the fear in my body as well as the emotion of the fear, and I had to discharge it through the tears. And I did a little journaling. I was able to write on my journal face down, and that was very useful tool for me to help discharge some of that fear and some of the energy around that.
Kimberly Ward:
So that gave me the capacity then to slow, because all that energy and anxiousness was out of my system. So now I have the space to focus on something different, to be curious about other possibilities.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Yeah, absolutely. That's so helpful. And it's so challenging. Right. As well. So I think it's really also, like, a matter of really being aware of your energy and that flow so that you can determine, okay, when. Is this a little out of whack, or is this going massively out of whack? And then being able to figure out, like, okay, what's happening? What's happening with my own energy and being able to be aware of that energy and what is impacting you and how it's impacting you. I think on a day to day basis, we just kind of go through life, and we're not as keenly aware of our energy, and this thing might make us feel upset, or that person may have said something that we didn't agree with, or this may have gone well, but that didn't go well.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
It's rare that we actually take the time to sit down and really think what made me feel good? What made me not feel good, what made me feel anxious, what made me feel angry? And to kind of get into that and even if we don't know what those feelings are, just to be aware of the energy within our body and how that feels.
Kimberly Ward:
Yeah. I would say the most important skill that you should strive to get good at is working with your energy.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Yeah. And I think it's about becoming aware of your energy in the first place. Right. It's about kind of figuring out, okay, what does anxiety feel like within me? I know for me, I clench my jaw. That's like, sign number one. Okay, I am feeling anxious. Sign number two, I wear my shoulders like they're earrings. Sign number three, my stomach starts doing somersaults, and then I get really gassy and things, and I don't feel good.
Kimberly Ward:
And so we don't slow down. We have to slow down and be curious.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Right?
Kimberly Ward:
Practicing the skill of just stopping, slowing down, taking that sacred pause, curiously watching what's happening. And you've got to practice when things are going okay again, so that when things are stressful, you have the capacity. You have some practice doing this skill. It's a skill to slow down. We're not taught this typically in our world. It's a skill to slow yourself down and be curious about what you're doing so that you can notice it and name it. Then you can reframe right after you slow down. Curious.
Kimberly Ward:
Name what you. And again, I do the. What am I feeling in my body? What's the sensation? What's the emotion? And what am I thinking? What's the story? I'm telling myself, oh, my God, I'm going to go blind. My life will be horrible if I go blind. Horrible stories looping in this thing like catch yourself and go, okay, I'm going to slow down and be with this. Be curious about this.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Yeah. And where is it coming from? And how does it feel in your body? And what are you imagining? It could even be some beliefs from before, some deeply rooted beliefs that you've heard from others or from society or on the media. And all of these things get inside of us, and we tend to internalize these things. And then when we have a crisis or something happens, we go into panic. Panic, panic, yeah. So it's really about calming that nervous system and doing the opposite.
Kimberly Ward:
Right.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
And we're primed this way, too. We're animals. We're humans. We are primed to react in these kinds of ways for a reason. I mean, that was how we survived in primitive life, but not how we have to survive now.
Kimberly Ward:
Yeah. And we get very afraid of what's going to happen in the future because of something that happened in the past instead of really doing what we need to do in the present moment. And what I needed to do was just allow myself to relax and heal. And my mind's going right to, oh, my God, how am I going to live when I'm blind? It's not helpful to worry about something that hasn't happened. It was hijacking me from being present in my nervous system was hijacking me, bringing me into the future, being anxious about that, when my energy then was not able to be helping me heal. Like I wasn't in rest and digest and recover mode, I was in this panic, fight or flight mode of, oh, my God, I'm going to go blind. What am I going to do? Looping in that disaster thinking. But when I was able to let that charge move out, I had space to come back down into that parasympathetic place.
Kimberly Ward:
That's where the healing happens.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Yeah, absolutely. And I love how you describe it for us in biological terms, because it really is a biological reaction.
Kimberly Ward:
Yes.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
And I know right now a lot of folks are also doing things like, we're exposed to a lot of news and headlines and all of those kinds of things on our phones and in the tvs as we're walking down the street or restaurants or wherever we go. And there's a lot of different things that are stimulating us on a day to day basis, and we might not be so aware of how that's impacting our energy. And so what I love you're describing is that those things can impact our biology, literally, and put us into that kind of mode, act like a trigger and send us off into that mode. I'm going to just derail a little bit. We have a lot going on within the world right now, and a lot of people are very upset about it, as they should be. And I know that for a lot of people, it's caused a lot of unrest and a lot of distress and has triggered many, many folks. And I think right now, more so than other times, it's really important to also realize that and become aware of your energy as you're watching these things unfold and to minimize your exposure to them. I mean, we certainly want to know what's happening in the world, right? But also, we don't want to create a defensive kind of reaction within ourselves.
Kimberly Ward:
Right. I've been working with many clients that have been very overwhelmed with what's happening in the world right now. And what I like to share, the idea that we're all connected. There is a collective consciousness. There's a collective energy that we're all part of. And so I can't go to the Middle east and create peace, but what I can do is regulate my system so that the energy that I'm contributing to the collective is better. Because if I'm adding fear into that collective, I'm not helping myself or anybody else around me. So if I can learn to work with that fear instead of stuff it or get amplified in the fear, I can learn to work with the energy of the fear in my body and discharge it and regulate then what I'm putting into the world that other people do feel, whether they know it consciously or not.
Kimberly Ward:
I'm helping myself, and I'm helping the world. When I can't take action to make a difference with these things in the world, I am making a difference by showing up in a different way and not contributing to the fear.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Right. And that comes back to choice. We have choices with how we perceive things, and we have choices with where we expend our energy. So worried might not necessarily help us or help the situation, but something like going and volunteering and giving something to someone or sending over a care package or doing something of that nature, little.
Kimberly Ward:
Things that you can do are affecting the entire world. So even if you can't do something big that you would like to do, doing a small gesture in your world, in your neighborhood, within your circle, is affecting the world at large.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Yes. We can only control what is around us and not beyond us.
Kimberly Ward:
And we can learn to work with our energy so that we're not so overwhelmed by what's happening to other people. Many of us out there are empaths and intuitive, and we're very sensitive to other people's emotions and energy. And the good news is it's really easy to learn to work with it. Really easy, simple skills that you can learn to work with your energy to help you have a better experience, but also to affect the world in a positive way.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Absolutely. And I love how you talked about showing up and how we can show up with our energy. So as opposed to putting our worry energy out there, we can put our grounded, solid energy out there. And that will help the world, that will help the situation, because it is one big collective energy force.
Kimberly Ward:
Yeah. We're all connected, and it's important to give yourself the space and maybe ask somebody to help you. Discharge that negative energy, discharge that fear. Move through it. Don't pretend it's not there. Don't ignore it. We need to process it. And sometimes it's helpful to have another person to just listen to you.
Kimberly Ward:
Maybe all you need to do is just, I call it verbally discharging. Just tell your story. And sometimes just telling your story will move that out of your system so you're freed up. But don't stuff it. Don't try to ignore it. Don't eat your way through it. Don't numb it with drugs or alcohol. Let yourself feel it and move it out so that you have the capacity, so you have room to make a different choice.
Kimberly Ward:
Right. And so we need each other to support each other through those. And sometimes it is as simple as sharing your story with somebody else, and it's not about the story. Staying focused on the energetic experience in your body will help you to not get looping in the story, but to then allow it to discharge through your voice. It can be so powerful. I know you and I have done this for each other. Like, I just need to say this out loud. I need to move it, and I need to move this energy out so that I have space to deal with what I really want to be working on instead of this fear or this frustration.
Kimberly Ward:
But I need to honor it. I need to honor it. I need to allow it to process and move on so that I have the capacity then now do what I really want to be doing right, and.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Expending the energy in the way in which you choose to versus having it hijack. So this has been a very wonderful conversation. I hope that this is helpful for folks out there. And Kimberly has a wonderful session coming up next Monday. So do you want to tell us about that?
Kimberly Ward:
Oh, yes. I'd love to share. So I'm doing a webinar. It's called healing the healers, and it's for anyone who finds themselves in that position of being a natural helper. Like, people just come to you for help and support naturally because that's just part of who you are. So it's for helpers and healers and practitioners that help people for a living. And we're going to cover how to avoid the pitfalls that natural helpers get into. And some of those things are I'm overly empathetic and I feel your emotions too much, and then I get drained or I give so much of myself that I'm exhausted and I can't receive.
Kimberly Ward:
So if I do this for a living, I'm going to end up broke if I don't fix that pitfall or impostor syndrome. Like, oh, my gosh, I'm not healed yet, so how can I help other people? So those are some of the pitfalls that those of us that are natural helpers and healers get into. So we're going to cover some tips on how to avoid those pitfalls. So it's for people that are on a self healing path, people that are helping others heal, and it's free. So we'll put the link to register for that in the show notes.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Yes, that would be great. And what time and day is it?
Kimberly Ward:
It is Monday, December 18 at 02:00 p.m. Pacific time. And we will record it. So if you register for it, we'll send you the recording if you can't make it live.
Dr. Asher Beckwittt:
Great. Yes, we will certainly put all of that information in the show notes. And then next week, we want to talk about isolation and loneliness and how to overcome isolation and loneliness and deal with motions. And then we will also put in the show notes, helpful tips on this doomsday thinking and how to reframe or rethink about that particular situation. So, as always, we thank you all very much for allowing us to be a part of your healing journey.
Kimberly Ward:
Thanks, everyone. Bye.
